The Work Behind the Work

A Check-In on Growth, Creation, and Being Seen

Also featured on Substack & Medium

Wendi Kehn/Hellbloom Haven

Mar 31, 2026

Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time creating.

There’s been a lot happening behind the scenes, building, learning, reworking things, and pouring care into spaces that I hope feel supportive and meaningful when you step into them. It’s been the kind of work that asks for patience and attention to detail, the kind you don’t always see right away, but that shapes everything over time.

I’ve found myself really settling into that process. There’s something comforting about it, being able to focus, to refine, to keep making things better and more aligned with what I want to offer.

At the same time, I’ve been sitting with something a little more personal.

Because while I’m proud of what I’ve been creating, I’m also starting to notice what’s underneath it. The patterns, the hesitations, the quieter parts of growth that don’t always get talked about.

So this isn’t just an update on what I’ve been working on.

It’s a check-in, with myself, and maybe with you too, about what it means to keep creating, to keep evolving, and to gently face the parts of the process that feel a little more uncomfortable to step into.

Section 1. What I’ve Been Building

Over the last couple of months, a lot of what I’ve been pouring my energy into has taken shape in the form of different spaces, each one created with a slightly different intention, but all rooted in the same place.

The Trauma Portal was where this work really began. I wanted to create something that could help people gently recognize and name what they’ve been through, and begin to understand how those experiences can affect the nervous system, patterns, and daily life. It’s a space that leans into awareness, education, and support, because sometimes just having language for your experience can shift everything.

From there, I found myself needing a space for expression, which is where the Poetry Portal came in. This one feels more personal. It holds my writing, my books, and the pieces of me that process through words. It’s a different kind of healing, less structured, more felt.

More recently, I created the Healing and Self-Discovery Portal, which has been growing into a space for reflection and intentional inner work. This is where I’ve been building out tools, insights, and resources that people can return to as they navigate their own process, at their own pace, in their own way.

Something I didn’t fully expect is how much I’ve learned through creating all of this.

Each new idea has asked me to learn something new, to slow down, figure things out, and then go back and refine it. Building these portals has taught me so much about design, structure, and how to actually bring something from an idea into a space people can move through. Especially with the Healing and Self-Discovery Portal, I’ve found myself learning even more about how to create interactive tools, how to approach coding in a way that feels intentional, and how design can shape someone’s experience in subtle but meaningful ways.

Each of these spaces is different, but they’re all connected. They reflect different parts of healing, understanding, expression, and integration, and they’ve also been part of my own process of learning, growing, and building something I truly care about.

Section 2. When the Work Doesn’t Feel Finished

As I’ve been building all of this, I’ve started to notice something about the way I work.

I don’t just finish things, I revisit them.
Then revisit them again and again, haha.

I’ll complete something, step back, and think it’s finally where I want it to be… and then I’ll see one small thing I want to change. And somehow, that one change turns into ten. Then twenty. And before I know it, I’m reworking something I already finished.

It’s like the definition of “done” keeps moving.

Part of that comes from care. I want what I create to feel intentional, supportive, and aligned. But if I’m being honest, there’s also a layer of perfectionism woven into it.

A quiet pressure to get it just right.

I’ve noticed something else too. Every time I reach a point where things feel complete, where I could pause… I have another idea. Another layer to build. Another tool to create.

Recently, I started asking myself: why?

Because this isn’t the first time I’ve seen this pattern in my life.

There was a time when I had a basement that I turned into an art studio. I spent so much time down there painting, creating, experimenting. It was one of those spaces where I could fully get lost in the process.

I even took some of that work out into the world, setting up at flea markets, sharing pieces here and there. I sold a few paintings, but if I’m honest, I never had a strong desire to sell.

Not because the work wasn’t meant to be shared, but because I didn’t want everything that came with it. The interactions, the conversations, the negotiating… being “out there” in that way.

So instead, I kept creating.

Over time, that basement filled up with finished paintings and pieces that never really left that space.

Eventually, after a back injury, I lost all of it.

Looking back now, I don’t just see the art I made, I see the pattern.

The creating came easily.
Finishing came naturally.
But letting it be seen… that was always the harder part.

Section 3. Recognizing the Pattern

The more I’ve reflected on this, the clearer something has become. It’s not that I don’t finish things.

I do. I’ve actually learned to let things be done. There was a time when I would keep going back, adjusting, adding, trying to make something better until I ended up taking away from what it originally was. I learned that lesson the hard way with my art.

At some point, I understood that overworking something can ruin it. So now, I let things go. But what I’ve started to notice is what happens right after that.

When something is finished, when it’s ready, when there’s nothing left to fix, I don’t always move into sharing it more deeply. Instead, I shift my focus.

I start something new.
Or revisit something else.
Or build another layer.

On the surface, it looks like continued growth. And in many ways, it is. But when I really sit with it, I can see that it’s also a way of redirecting myself away from the part that feels less comfortable.

Because the part that stretches me the most isn’t creating. It’s being seen in what I’ve already created.

For a long time, being seen was something I was used to. Eighteen years in healthcare meant being in front of people constantly, but it was different. There was a role, a structure, a kind of identity to step into. There was something to stand behind.

This is different.

Now, there’s no uniform. No role to filter through. It’s just me.

And even though I genuinely like who I am, even though I feel at peace with myself in a way I didn’t before, there’s still something about being seen in this way that feels… vulnerable.

Not because I’m unsure of myself, but because this kind of visibility asks me to show up without anything to hide behind. That’s the edge I keep circling.

Not the work itself, but what it means to fully stand beside it and let myself be seen there.

Section 4. Working With It, Not Against It

Recognizing the pattern hasn’t automatically made it easier to change.

If anything, there’s been a level of frustration in seeing it so clearly and still not feeling fully ready to do the thing I know would help me grow. There’s a difference between understanding something and being able to shift it right away.

That’s something I’m still learning to accept.

Instead of pushing myself to suddenly be different, I’ve started to approach it in a way that feels more realistic for where I am right now which means smaller steps, more exposure, and less pressure to get it all right at once.

I’ve been showing up to meetings in the local business group I’m part of. Choosing to engage more, to contribute, to be part of conversations instead of staying on the edges of them. Not in a way that feels forced, but in a way that stretches me just enough.

Because I know that growth doesn’t usually come from one big leap, but from repeated, smaller moments when you choose to move forward, even when it feels uncomfortable. There’s also been a shift in how I talk to myself about it.

Instead of judging myself for not being ready, I’m trying to understand why. Looking at what’s underneath the hesitation instead of trying to push past it as quickly as possible. Giving myself some grace in the process.

Because I know that forcing change doesn’t create real movement. But understanding it, working with it, and taking intentional steps forward does.

I may not be fully where I want to be yet, but I’m not standing still either.

Closing

I wish I could tie all of this together with something clear. Something insightful or profound that could offer answers, or help make things easier for someone else who might be struggling in their own way.

But the truth is, I don’t have that.

What I do have is this moment of awareness. This understanding of myself, even if I’m still figuring out what to do with it, and maybe that’s enough for now.

Sometimes, there’s comfort in simply acknowledging where you are. In recognizing that you’re working through something, even if you don’t have a perfect solution yet. I think there’s something so powerful about sharing that openly.

About saying, “this is where I’m at,” without needing to have it all figured out, so someone else can recognize themselves in it too. So they don’t feel alone, or like they’re the only one struggling in ways that are hard to explain.

Sometimes the most meaningful thing isn’t having the answers. It’s realizing you’re not the only one asking the questions.

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Thank you for taking the time to read this, I truly appreciate you being here.

I hope you have the most beautiful day.

If you feel called to, explore the Trauma Portal, Poetry Portal, and Healing and Self-Discovery Portal, along with other resources I’ve created.

If you’re looking for support or guidance on your healing journey, you can also visit the Come As You Are Peer Support and Intuitive Support pages.

Many blessings 🤍

Wendi Kehn