A grounded guide for protection, preparation, and support
If you are experiencing domestic violence and thinking about leaving, your safety matters more than speed. Leaving can be one of the most dangerous periods in an abusive relationship. This page offers general safety planning guidance and trusted resources to help you connect with professional advocates. It is educational and does not replace personalized safety planning with a trained domestic violence professional.
If You Are in Immediate Danger
If you are in immediate danger, call emergency services.
In the United States:
Call or text 911.
You can also contact:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text “START” to 88788
Chat available at https://www.thehotline.org/
If outside the U.S., search:
“Domestic violence hotline + your country.”
Why Leaving Can Increase Risk
It is important to understand that abuse is rooted in control. When an abusive partner senses loss of control, behavior can escalate.
Risk can increase when:
- You announce you are leaving.
- You seek legal protection.
- You separate physically.
- Custody or financial control is threatened.
This does not mean you should stay.
It means planning matters.
Consider Speaking to an Advocate First
Before making a move, consider speaking confidentially with a domestic violence advocate. Advocates can help you:
- Assess risk.
- Create a personalized safety plan.
- Identify safe housing options.
- Connect with legal resources.
- Locate confidential shelters.
- Plan around children and custody.
Professional safety planning reduces risk significantly.
General Safety Planning Considerations
Every situation is different. These are general considerations, not instructions.
You may consider:
- Identifying trusted people you can contact safely.
- Keeping essential documents accessible if possible.
- Storing important phone numbers somewhere safe.
- Establishing a code word with someone you trust.
- Planning safe times to seek help.
- Thinking through transportation options.
- Having copies of critical records if safe to do so.
Avoid confronting an abusive partner about your plan.
Safety planning is most effective when done discreetly and with support.
Digital Safety Matters
Abusive partners often monitor phones, computers, or shared accounts.
Consider:
- Using a device the abusive partner cannot access.
- Clearing browsing history.
- Using private/incognito browsing.
- Turning off location sharing.
- Checking shared cloud accounts.
- Being cautious with shared phone plans.
- Logging out of shared email or social media.
If you are unsure whether your device is monitored, use a public computer (library, trusted friend, workplace) to research resources.
Relocation & Moving Support
Some moving companies and community organizations have offered confidential relocation assistance or discounted services for survivors of domestic violence. Policies vary by location and are not guaranteed.
If it is safe to do so, you may contact local branches directly and ask discreetly whether they provide relocation support for survivors.
If your phone, email, or online activity may be monitored, consider asking a trusted person to make initial inquiries on your behalf. Only involve someone you trust fully, and avoid sharing details widely.
Whenever possible, coordinate relocation plans with a domestic violence advocate. Advocates can help assess risk, reduce exposure, and ensure that relocation efforts do not unintentionally increase danger.
If Children Are Involved
Children are often impacted even if they are not physically harmed.
If you have children:
- Include them in safety planning with an advocate.
- Consider custody and legal protections.
- Document incidents factually.
- Avoid discussing your plan in front of the abusive partner.
- Seek child advocacy resources when needed.
Your safety and your children’s safety are connected.
It Is Normal to Feel Conflicted
Leaving an abusive relationship is not just logistical — it is emotional.
You may feel:
- Fear
- Shame
- Guilt
- Attachment
- Hope for change
- Financial worry
- Concern about community perception
These feelings are normal. Abuse often includes emotional manipulation and trauma bonding. Complexity does not invalidate your experience.
You are not weak for staying.
You are not reckless for leaving.
If You Need Confidential Support
United States:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE
thehotline.org
Love Is Respect (for teens and young adults)
loveisrespect.org
StrongHearts Native Helpline
strongheartshelpline.org
211 (local community resources)
If outside the U.S., search for:
“Domestic violence hotline + your country.”
A Grounded Reminder
Your safety matters.
Planning matters.
Support matters.
You do not have to justify your survival to anyone.
The safest next step is often speaking with a trained advocate before making a move.
You deserve safety.